So, your ex broke up with you, and now you’re a hot mess. They broke your heart, and for the past week, you’ve been sitting in your bedroom with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, wallowing in your own misery and hoping they’ll call.
Well, put down the spoon and go take a shower because it’s time to get over it. There are plenty more fish in the sea, so it’s time to pick yourself up and start casting your net.
I know it’s hard, we’ve all been there, but you’ve already taken the first steps because you’re here. You searched the internet for answers, and now we’re going to give them to you.
Read on, and The School of Squirt’s sex expert, Laura Rose Halliday will show you how to get over your ex, move on, and get back in the game.
How Long Should It Take to Get Over an Ex?
First off, let’s talk about timescales. Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been holding on for a while, it’s natural – these things can take time. The amount of time it will take you to fully get over your ex will depend on how close you and your ex were and how emotionally invested you were in the relationship.
If you’d been with your ex for a long time and you were living together, sharing finances, or even had kids together, it may take a lot longer, as it can be a lot harder to cut ties in these kinds of relationships.
On the other hand, if you’re grieving the breakup of an intense whirlwind romance or sexual relationship, you’ll probably find that you’ll be able to get over your ex fast enough, but, due to the intensity of your feelings towards the person, it may also be a lot more painful.
It doesn’t really matter how long it takes, as long as you have a plan in place to move on. Many people find making the decision to actually move on from the relationship to be the hardest step to take.
Once you’ve truly accepted that things between you and your ex are over, moving on will become much easier. Heck, you might even enjoy the whole process.
How to Know When It’s Time to Move On
If you’re still emotionally attached to your ex, it can be easy to feel as though there may be a way to revive the relationship. Even if it was them that broke it off, you might find that they are giving you hints that there is some hope for the relationship working, but that is likely due to the self-doubt that they are feeling about their decision.
However, once you and your ex have decided to part ways and you’re just texting or occasionally talking on the phone, it’s fair to say that things are probably over.
Remember, no matter how much the break-up hurts, you decided that it was best to break up, and you or your partner must have had reasons for that. If you haven’t rekindled your love or found a way to make it work a few days or weeks after the break-up, it’s probably safe to say that you’re not going to.
Also, if you find that staying in contact with your ex is becoming super painful for you, and it seems like they may be using you whilst they move on themselves, take that as a cue that it’s time for you to cut ties and do the same.
Reasons Why You May Not Be Getting Over Your Ex
After going through a painful break-up, it can be easy to feel like you’re pathetic and that you’re making a big deal out of getting over your ex. However, you’re not alone – everyone finds breakups hard. Studies show that breaking up with a partner tends to have a significant impact on your mental health and life satisfaction.
Although some people manage better than others, you absolutely shouldn’t feel any sort of self-loathing about the way that you’re handling it.
Here are some of the main reasons why getting over a break-up can be so damn hard.
You’ve Become Isolated
Although relationships are all about companionship, many people find that being in a monogamous relationship makes them become isolated from the rest of the world. This means that when the relationship does break down, the people involved are left feeling totally alone.
This isolation makes it hard to think about anything other than how much you miss your ex, and it can make the process of getting over them extremely hard. In this type of situation, you have to reassemble your life without your ex and re-integrate with your friends, family, and co-workers in order to truly move on.
If you have regrets about your relationship, it can also make getting over your ex very difficult. Maybe you mistreated them in some way, or maybe you mishandled a situation that directly led to your breakup. In this scenario, it can be easy to imagine all the ways you could have saved the relationship if you’d done something differently.
However, it’s important to accept that what’s done is done. If you and your partner were right for each other, you’d have worked through your issues instead of breaking up, so you should try not to beat yourself up and torment yourself with what could’ve been.
You Keep Hooking Up
Ex-sex. You might have thought about doing it, or you may have already done it since your break-up, but if you really want to move on, you need to cut off your sex supply as well as your emotional relationship.
When you’re feeling vulnerable from a break-up, falling into the bed of your ex late at night when you’re feeling sad feels like the best thing in the world, but all you’re really doing is prolonging your suffering.
You Didn’t Get Closure
If your relationship ended suddenly, then you might be finding it hard to understand why it all happened. Some people are jerks, and they might just cut off communication with you without giving you any real explanation as to why.
These situations are always hard, and your want for closure may cause you to fixate on the break-up for longer than necessary. If you can’t get closure, you should give up sooner rather than later and start working on building new relationships.
How to Get Over Your Ex – The 10 Step Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together
OK, so now for the reason you’re really here. It’s time to stop wallowing and get your life back on track. Your relationship is over, and that’s OK. It’s time to move on, and if you follow the 10 steps below, you’ll be over it and living your best life again in no time.
1. Sort Out Your Social Media
Social media is both the blessing and the curse of the modern world, and it makes break-ups hard AF. Don’t worry if you’ve spent most of the past few days stalking your ex on social media; we all do it. However, if you’re ready to move on, you need to kick your social stalking habits and start using your social media for what it was made for — online dating!
First things first, you need to block your ex on all your accounts. It’s nothing personal, and if they have a problem with it, it doesn’t matter. You won’t know anyway because you blocked them — duh!
You need to get them out of your life, and it’s far too tempting to watch their IG stories or slide into their DMs unless you block them.
After that is all done and dusted, you then need to evaluate what message your profiles are giving off. You’re single now, and if you want to be able to connect with people online, then your profiles need to make it look like you’re single. You don’t have to delete all pictures of your ex; you can store them somewhere in the dark caverns of the Facebook photo section.
However, you do need to make sure that pictures, such as your profile picture, don’t have your ex in them. Take some cute selfies or switch to a picture of you and your friends. Just be sure to steer clear of couple pics, no matter how much you love them.
2. Focus On the Negatives
Most self-help specialists will encourage you to stay positive and look on the bright side of life, but sometimes it really helps to focus on the negatives for a second. But I’m not talking about your negatives; I’m talking about your ex’s negatives.
Instead of spending your days wallowing and reminiscing about all the good times you had, take a minute to think about the things you really didn’t like about your ex. After all, you broke up, so there must have been times where you guys fought, or when your ex just made you feel terrible.
I’m not saying that you should spend all your time focusing on these negative thoughts, but it’s important to remind yourself that the grass wasn’t always greener when you and your ex were still together.
Keeping this in mind will help you to feel more confident that breaking up was the right decision. It will remind you that you’re better off without your ex, and it will give you the inspiration to do all the things that you could never do back when your relationship was dragging you down.
3. Reach Out To Your Friends
As I mentioned above, being isolated really makes breaking up with someone a lot harder. If you’re dealing with a break-up alone, then you may start to feel as though your ex is the only person in the world that actually understands you and can support you.
However, this just isn’t true. Friends, family members, and even random people at work could help you to find your way out of your break-up blues; you just have to put yourself out there and admit that you need help.
You may have lost touch with some of your friends whilst you were with your ex. This is common, especially for people in long-term relationships.
However, this shouldn’t stop you from reaching out to your old friends and trying to rebuild a relationship with them. If they were good friends, they will hear your call and want to do what they can to support you.
You may even make new friends as a result of your break-up. People that you don’t know that well may have been through something similar. If you are honest about the way you’re feeling with your work colleagues or new people that you meet, you may find some common ground that will help you to become better friends. They may also be able to offer some much-needed support and advice.
4. Practice Some Self-Love
Break-ups are really hard, and they can leave you feeling negative and lacking in self-esteem and confidence. All of these emotions make it much harder to move on, as you may feel scared to get back into the dating scene or to make new friends.
To combat these emotions, you need to learn how to love yourself again. Treat yourself to beauty treatments, try a new look, or start a new diet. These can all make you feel more positive and confident in your own skin.
In addition to this, don’t forget to actually ‘love’ yourself in the truest sense of the word. If you’re not back in the dating game yet, masturbating is a good way to make you feel more positive and sexy.
Masturbation has tons of psychological benefits and will also keep you from feeling sexually frustrated. All of this will help you to feel more like yourself and should help you to take the first steps into your new, single life.
5. Get Used to Doing Things Alone
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it can be kind of hard to adapt to being on your own. Most couples do literally everything together from grabbing a coffee to going to the grocery store.
After the break-up, doing the most simple tasks can make you feel lonely and miss your ex. Unfortunately, there is really no magical way to overcome this feeling; you simply have to get used to it.
However, if you want to speed up the process, take life by the horns and try some new activities that you would never have dreamed of doing alone when you were still with your ex.
Take yourself out for a fancy dinner, go to the movies, or even go for a drink at the bar. There’s no denying the fact that it will feel super weird at first, but once you start to become comfortable with the idea of being alone, you may even start to enjoy it.
Being alone is super empowering, and it leaves you open to opportunities to meet new people and live life completely on your own terms.
6. Make Some New Personal Goals
When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s natural to start planning your future together, and as a result of this, many of your goals may have been heavily focused on your relationship. This makes life particularly hard after a break-up because you may start to feel lost in life, like you have no real direction.
Instead of getting down about the things that could have been, you need to take some time to set personal goals that don’t involve other people. Put the idea of marriage and kids on hold and write yourself a bucket list that is all about you.
Maybe you will want to focus on your career or travel the world. You may even want to write yourself a sexual bucket list of all the different things you would like to try before you get into another long term relationship.
Setting new goals will give you a fresh sense of purpose and should help you to focus on life and forget about your ex.
7. Get Yourself Back In the Game
You won’t truly understand the joys of being single until you open yourself up and get back into the dating game. Think back to the excitement and lust you felt when you first met your ex and remember how much fun it was. When you get yourself back into the dating game, you get to feel like this all over again.
Dating can be daunting, especially if you’ve been out of the game for a while. But, if you pick yourself up and tackle your first dates with confidence, you’ll probably really enjoy them. As we all know, dating can be hit and miss, but for every dud date, there’s an awesome one that ends in a passionate kiss, or maybe more.
Dating in the 21st century is easier than ever. Just get on Tinder or any of the dozens of dating sites out there and go for it. If you want to keep yourself busy, learn to say yes and put yourself out there. What’s the worst that could happen?
8. Try a More Casual Approach to Dating
If you’re not quite ready to get back into a long term relationship, that’s totally fine. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to buy a collection of cats and hole up in your house forevermore. You don’t have to be looking to get married to every person that you date, and there’s no reason that you can’t go on dates for fun or find casual sex partners.
If you want to keep things casual, just be honest with people, and you’ll find that many people are also on the same page as you. If you find that you’re dating someone who may want more commitment than you do, it’s a good idea to cut this off sooner rather than later. You don’t want to be the reason that someone else is reading this article further down the line.
9. Try New Things
If you carry on trying to live the exact same life you did before you broke up with your ex, you’re going to be constantly reminded of them everywhere you turn. That’s why it’s important to try new things and welcome the new phase in your life with open arms.
Consider changing things up in your daily life. Things as simple as going to a new coffee shop can help you feel less tied to your old relationships, but you could also try making more extreme changes too.
Changing your career, moving to a new city, or traveling the world are all great ways to get over your ex. Your life will be super busy, everything will be new, and it will be difficult to even remember your ex’s name after a few months.
10. Reflect and Grow
If you follow all of the steps above, it won’t be long before you are completely over your ex, and you’re living your best life again. Once you reach this point, it’s a good idea to reflect on your experiences so that you don’t make the same mistakes again in the future.
Without delving too deeply into your past woes, evaluate what went wrong in your relationship, applaud yourself for getting through the break-up and coming out the other end, and make a mental note of the lessons that you’ve learned.
On the surface, break-ups seem like the worst thing in the world, but in most cases, they are valuable experiences that help us to live happier and more fulfilled lives in the future.
4 Tips for Spicing Up Your Sex Life After a Break-Up
Long-term relationships are great when it comes to sex because people get really comfortable and relaxed in the bedroom with their partner. After a break-up, not having your partner around can make you feel insecure and scared of being intimate.
However, sex is an integral part of getting over your ex, and it’s important to have your sexual needs met by someone other than them. The tips below should help you learn more about yourself and traverse the sexual world without the security blanket of your ex.
1. Watch Porn
Worried that you might have become out of touch with what people expect in the bedroom? Watching porn can really help to alleviate these feelings of insecurity. It can help you find new ideas of how to please people in the bedroom, and exposure to porn will help you feel less embarrassed in sexual situations.
It’s worth noting that porn videos are usually a little over the top, so don’t be worried if you feel like the people in the pornos are way more sexy and emphatic in the bedroom than you are.
Most normal people don’t use the sex positions or hardcore toys that you see in porn, but it’s a great way to get some ideas of ways to keep things fresh in your sex life.
2. Be Open to New Opportunities
If you really want to get over your ex, it’s always a good idea to try some new things that you may never have tried with them, especially when it comes to sex. When you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t take long to establish a bedroom routine, and this means that you may not have experimented all that much when having sex with your ex.
A break-up is a perfect opportunity to break out of your sexual box and start trying new things. You may not like all of them, but if your mind is open to new opportunities, you may unlock some new sexual fantasies that you never knew you had.
3. Re-evaluate What Your Type Is
When it comes to dating, most people believe that they have a ‘type.’ However, have you ever considered that you could be totally wrong about what your type actually is? If you only go on dates with people that you consider to be your type, then you’ll end up dating a ton of people that are almost exactly like your ex.
Since you’re reading this article, it’s fair to say that that didn’t work out too well last time. In order to move on and give yourself the best chance of finding happiness, open your mind to different types of people. Say yes to the blind dates that your overly intrusive colleague sets up for you. It may just pay off, and you could have your mind blown by a bunch of new sexual experiences.
4. Learn What You Like
Breaking up with your ex means that you no longer have to settle for mediocre sex. You can start demanding pleasure from your sexual partners and doing the things that you want to do in the bedroom.
However, in order to do this, you need to work out what it is that you want from a lover. After breaking up with someone, it’s a good idea to masturbate more, explore different techniques, and learn more about what really turns you on. Knowing your own body and understanding your own kinks and fetishes will help future relationships be more successful and sexually satisfying.
5 Self-Care Purchases that Will Help Get You Out of The Post Break-Up Rut
If your break-up is still fresh, you may not want to start on the 10-step guide just yet. If all you can do is lie in bed and cry whilst watching rom-coms, then these purchases may help you to get back on your feet and start taking on the world again.
1. A Great Sex Toy
A great orgasm really can make you feel better even on the worst days, so why not invest in a shiny new sex toy to give you the buzz you need to get your butt out of bed.
Not only will it help to make your masturbation sessions to be more fun, but it may help you to realize that there is a world of sexual adventures out there just waiting for you.
2. Health Supplements
The new you is going to need a new daily routine, and you may want to use this time to get healthy and start living the lifestyle that you always dreamed of.
Health supplements can help you do this. You may want to buy some supplements that will give you energy or that will make your hair and skin healthier for when you finally get yourself back in the dating game. If you have hair loss problems, William Slator from Hairguard.com has some great natural tips that will help with hair growth. Whatever supplements you decide to buy, they will at least give you some motivation to get out of bed and start being a little healthier.
3. Skincare Products
If you really want to treat yourself, there is no better way to do that than with a long bath and some expensive skincare products. When your skin feels great, so do you, and some new products are sure to leave you feeling pampered and excited to get out of the house to show off your nourished and radiant skin.
Alongside your skincare products, you should also consider buying some bath bombs or salts. A little aromatherapy does wonders for helping you feel more relaxed and refreshed when starting your day.
4. A New Wardrobe
Clothing can carry a lot of sentimental value, and therefore, it can be a good idea to overhaul your wardrobe in order to rid your life of anything that reminds you of your ex. In addition to this, going shopping for a new wardrobe will give you the opportunity to try out a new style.
After all, breakups are a great opportunity to totally reinvent yourself and become the person that you’ve always dreamed of being. The process of going out and shopping will also help you to feel less isolated and more present.
5. Some Sexy Underwear
Sexy underwear is a must if you want to tap into your sexual side to help you get over your breakup. A great lingerie set will help you to feel super sexy at all times, and it will mean that you’re prepared for impromptu dates, casual hookups, or all-night sexathons. As long as they don’t involve your ex, just have fun and stay sexy!
So there you have it, tons of tips that will help you get out of your break-up in one piece. Stay strong, and remember, you will be happy again at some point, you just need to keep your head up and keep moving forward.