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It's My Birthday & I'll Cry If I Want To


This is hopefully going to be short.

May! The month that holds lots of wonderful memories and has great sentimental value for me. After all it's the month that celebrates a day (well 2 actually) that's dedicated to me. I have Mother's Day to celebrate and also my birthday which coincidentally is today. May doesn't just hold those two days but also one that I dreaded actually arriving. On May 6th I celebrated my 10 year wedding anniversary BUT I celebrated it by myself. For those who are new to this site, I separated from my husband earlier this year and very soon I'll become a bachelorette once again.


So why am I suddenly sad on my birthday? After all I have my children with me and I should be happy right? I am happy but there are things that I wanted for myself that I realize will never be.


I know that the decision I made for myself and my family was the right one but sometimes I do have regrets that things weren't different. I read all these self help books and I go to a therapist once a week for support but it still seems unreal. 

I did have an awesome Mothers Day. I woke up to breakfast and a card signed by all the kids and then later that afternoon the boys decided that they were going to make me dinner. Well I had an amazing dinner which consisted of hotdogs but it was the thought that count, right? I was proud of them and they surely made my day.  

I have been trying to overcome the struggle with my depression and it has been working. I've come to terms with my life and there are great things in the works. I'll be closing on a new house in a few short weeks which means that all the memories we've had in our old house I'll no longer have to deal with. New house with new beautiful memories as I like to say. We also have a planned trip to Universal Orlando and Disney World this summer, so forget the tears and think about the future. Live in the present and forget about the past. Easier said than done. 


I do however have to remember that I have kids to live for as well as myself. So it's why that quote really means a lot to me. I know that there is someone out there for me. Someone who will cherish and be there for me, but while I'm waiting I won't be putting my life on hold. I plan to live my life and have fun while doing it. LAS VEGAS HERE I COME 2016! 

Annmarie John
24 Comments
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24 comments:

  1. You will get through it. I was exactly where you are at one point and with time, I was able to move on and make the life I wanted for myself.

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  2. You are not going to Vegas without me! You will get through all of this for your kids and you will be stronger when it is all over. Happy birthday!!

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  3. Aw, thinking of you and Happy Birthday today!!

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  4. Definitely live in the moment or you'll miss out on a lot! Happy birthday! I hope your upcoming trips are awesome.

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  5. I know things can be tough, but you are strong! Happy birthday and keep fighting, you can do anything you want.

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  6. Happy Birthday! Sounds like you have it all planed out! Have fun!

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  7. Happy Birthday, you! This is such a tumultuous time and yet your self-awareness, your planning, and your attitude are keeping you grounded and in such a good place. Once the house closes (congrats on that!), you'll start settling in to the next exciting chapter. I can't wait to watch and learn from you!

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  8. I am so sorry about this. Try your hardest to keep your head high. I cannot say I can understand, so sending positive thoughts your way.

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  9. Depression is so hard once it gets its claws in you. I struggle with it as well. You're in my thoughts!

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  10. Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful one ^_^

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  11. Happy Birthday beautiful friend!

    I'm praying for you... that you have peace and all the joy you deserve. I know it's hard. I've been through divorce myself and it was a challenge (and it was totally my decision) but it also gave me the life I have today.

    Tonight I'll have a glass of wine and think of you.
    xoxo

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  12. Happy Birthday! It's perfectly fine to feel a little down every now and again. I do think it's great you have some fun family trips to look forward to!

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  13. Happy Birthday! It will all be okay. There is always a new day! Amber N

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  14. Wow, so happy to hear how strong you are - moving through depression. I imagine that's so tough.
    And Happy Birthday! Happy Mother's Day! Wish we could go to Florida when you do but we seem to only go in the thick of winter when we need it. (New England winters and all)

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  15. Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!! Many blessings to you starting NOW ..lol

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  16. You can and will get through this! Happy Birthday! I'm glad you had a great Mothers Day! So sweet your boys made you hot dogs. Smile and enjoy the rest of your week! Hugs

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  17. I know I already wished you a Happy Birthday.... I am hurting for you!! Believe me though... things will get better!

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  18. I hope you had an amazing birthday. Love comes when we least expect it.

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  19. Hoping your Birthday was filled with love and joy through this rough patch - a lot of us here understand some of what you're going thru - I am sorry for these big struggles - it's tough - but we each made it thru ok it seems - big hugs :)

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  20. Happy Birthday! It'll get better, rough roads always lead to smoother paths. It will get better , hang in there

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  21. Happy Happy birthday. I would love to go to Vegas. It sounds like a fun trip planned. Have fun

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  22. I feel as if I could have written this myself. It's hard to let go of something that you thought was real. It's one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I tell myself this too shall pass and eventually it does.

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  23. Im sure this is a sad time for you but your doing good things moving forward. Im also divorced. You will make it through this stage and be happy. Congrats on the house!

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  24. This may not be a time in your life you looked for or hoped for, but you can definitely make it the time of your life you OWN. When you feel down, remember how BADASS you can be by rising above, making the best of the moment, and getting through it. Your kids will see strength, and you will feel strong. You can do this.

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[name=AnnMarie John] [img=https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X9gUeVik-ZY/WJjwNTOobII/AAAAAAABTJ4/qEhU0n62_AIo-j6-6LA2OFOr44lKCHASwCLcB/s100/AnnMarie%2BJohn%2BHeadshot.JPG] [description=AnnMarie John is a lifestyle blogger, mom of 4, retired army veteran and a huge Disney lover. Formerly from the beautiful island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean and now living in colorful Colorado, she loves sharing her opinions on everything, crafting and food.] (facebook=http://www.facebook.com/theannmariejohn) (instagram=http://www.instagram.com/theannmariejohn) (twitter=http://www.twitter.com/theannmariejohn) (pinterest=http://www.pinterest.com/theannmariejohn) (email=mailto:annmarie@annmariejohn.com)

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