How do you know if your husband is cheating or having an affair? What are the signs that your husband is having an affair outside of the marriage? These are questions that I want to address, but first I’ll share my backstory.
When I shared on Instagram that I was getting divorced, a lot of people asked me why. After all, just a few months prior, I shared that my husband’s mother had contracted COVID-19 and asked my online community to pray for her. I had shared photos of us together and was even talking about how much he supported me in my online career and what a great husband he was. So why was I suddenly announcing that I was going to get a divorce? Especially after being married for 16 years.
What happened? Well, my husband had been cheating for some months, and at first, I suspected something was wrong, but I couldn’t place it. Not only did he try gaslighting me into believing that I was wrong, but he swore that it was all in my head. Then I got confirmation, not from him, but from the other woman, who was proud to say that she was with a married man. That was the final straw for me. As I’ve shared before, this wasn’t the first time he’d cheated, but it was going to be the last for me.
So, how do you know that your husband is cheating or having an affair? Here are a few ways you can know.
There’s a Change in His Behavior and Attitude
This is usually the first sign that something is wrong. If your husband was always home on time and now he’s working late or coming home later than usual, that’s a red flag. If he’s suddenly more distant or starts picking fights with you for no reason, that’s another sign that something isn’t right. If he’s spending more time on his phone or computer than usual and is being secretive about it, that’s another sign.
There’s Also a Change in Your Sex Life
If your husband suddenly has a decrease in sexual interest in you, that could be a sign that he’s getting his needs met elsewhere. Of course, there could be other reasons for this as well, but it’s definitely something to be aware of.
He Takes His Wedding Ring Off or Wears it On the Wrong Finger
This one might seem pretty obvious, but if your husband suddenly starts taking his wedding ring off or wearing it on the wrong finger, that’s another sign that he may be cheating. He may start leaving his wedding ring at home or take it off when he’s not around you. This is usually a way for him to hide his marital status from other women and is a pretty big sign that something is wrong.
He’s Beginning to Criticize Everything You Do
If your husband starts to nitpick everything you do, it could be a sign that he’s trying to create distance between you. He may also try to make you feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re doing something wrong. This is a tactic that cheaters often use to justify their actions.
He Spends Less Time at Home
It’s normal for you to want to spend more time with someone when the relationship is new. After all, you’re getting to know them. If your husband is suddenly spending more time away from home, whether it’s for work or other reasons, that could be a sign that he’s cheating. If he used to be home every night and now he’s gone several nights a week, that’s definitely something to pay attention to.
He’s Disengaged in Family Life
If your husband used to be involved in family life and now he seems uninterested, that could be a sign that something is wrong. If he used to help out around the house and now he doesn’t, or if he used to spend time with the kids and now he’s always busy, that could be a sign that he’s disengaged from family life.
He’s Making More of an Effort with His Appearance
If your husband suddenly starts making more of an effort with his appearance and starts dressing nicer or working out more, that could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else. If he’s paying more attention to his hair, clothes, and hygiene than usual, that’s a sign that he might be having an affair.
He’s Spending More Time With His “Friends“
If your husband is spending more time with his friends, especially if he’s spending more time with a particular friend, that could be a sign that he’s cheating. Cheaters often confide in their friends or even use them as accomplices.
He’s Got a New Hobby…That You’re Not Involved In
If your husband suddenly has a new hobby that he’s passionate about and he doesn’t want to include you, that’s another sign that something is up. This is especially true if the hobby is something that he’s never been interested in before.
He’s Acting Guilty or Nervous
If your husband is acting guilty or nervous around you, that could be a sign that he’s cheating. If he’s sweating more than usual or if he can’t look you in the eye, those are both signs that something might be wrong.
He’s Always on the Phone, but Not With You
If your husband is always on the phone, but not with you, that’s a sign that he might be cheating. If he’s taking calls in private or if he’s texting more than usual, those are both signs that something might be going on.
He’s Hiding His Phone or Computer from You
If your husband starts hiding his phone or computer from you, that’s a sign that he doesn’t want you to see what he’s been up to. He might start putting a password on his phone or computer so that you can’t access it. If you notice this change in behavior, it’s a sign that something is wrong.
He’s Being Secretive About His Whereabouts
If your husband starts being secretive about his whereabouts, that’s a sign that he’s hiding something from you. He might start making up excuses for why he can’t tell you where he is or what he’s doing. If you notice this change in behavior, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He’s Become Very Defensive When You Ask Questions
If you’ve asked your husband questions about his whereabouts or what he’s been up to and he’s become very defensive, that’s a sign that something might be wrong. If he’s getting angry or upset when you ask him simple questions, that’s not a good sign.
There’s a Noticeably Lack of Communication Between You
If you’ve noticed that there’s a lack of communication between you and your husband, that’s a sign that something might be wrong. If you’re not talking as much or if he’s not interested in hearing about your day, that’s not a good sign.
You Catch Him in Lies
If you’ve caught your husband in lies, that’s a sign that he might be cheating. If he’s been lying about where he’s been or what he’s been doing, that’s not a good sign. If he’s been telling you one thing and then you find out he was doing something else, that’s another sign.
You Feel Like Something Is Just Off
If you have a gut feeling that something is just off, trust your instincts. If you feel like something is wrong, chances are there is. If you’re just not sure what it is, but you know something isn’t right, pay attention to that feeling.
These are just a few of the signs that your husband may be cheating or having an affair. If you’re suspecting something, it’s important to trust your gut and have a conversation with him about it. If he’s cheating, he needs to be the one to end the affair and make things right with you. If he’s not willing to do that, then you need to make a decision about what’s best for you and your marriage.
Word of Caution: He Might Blame You for His Infidelity
If your husband is cheating on you, he might try to blame you for his infidelity. He might say that you’re not paying attention to him or that you’re not giving him enough attention. He might say that he’s been feeling neglected and that’s why he cheated. This is just a way for him to try to shift the blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for his own actions.
He might try to make you feel like it’s your fault that he cheated, but it’s not. No matter what, infidelity is always a choice. If your husband has chosen to cheat on you, it’s because he wanted to, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
My ex actually tried this with me, and for a while, I actually thought that it really was my fault. He claimed that I wasn’t paying him any attention or listening to him, and I wondered if he wouldn’t have cheated if I had been a better wife. But you know what? He would have cheated whether or not I had listened to him or paid him all the attention in the world. At this point, this was just who he was. He was a cheater, and I was better off without someone like that in my life, so I filed for divorce.
I always say to go with your gut and trust your instincts, and if you think that your husband is cheating, he more than likely is. Once is a mistake, twice is a choice, and three times or more is a habit. It’s up to you to decide how much you can take and whether or not you believe your marriage is salvageable.
I would never tell anyone to leave his/her spouse, but cheating is disrespectful, and if you choose to stay in the marriage, you need to make sure that he understands that cheating is not an option. If he doesn’t want to work on the marriage, then you might want to consider getting a divorce.
Cheating not only ruins lives and relationships but the lives of children as well if there are children involved. Trust is generally broken and, in some cases, is almost impossible to repair. Cheating causes a lot of pain and heartache for everyone involved.
If your husband is cheating, you need to decide what’s best for you and what’s best for your children, if you have any. No one deserves to be cheated on, and no one deserves to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be faithful.
If you think your husband is cheating on you, the best thing you can do is confront him about it. Ignoring the signs will only make things worse. Divorce is never easy, but sometimes it’s the only option.