You may have noticed that I’ve been missing in action for quite some time and there’s a reason for that. The winter months are usually the toughest for me. There is such a thing known as the winter blues and it’s an affliction that I suffer from. Most of you may know that I do suffer from depression, but 2017 was especially rough. While working on a blog post for the Callaloo Box, which I plan to share with you, brought back so many memories of my childhood and the fact that my parents were no longer around to celebrate the holidays with me. I remember getting on the phone with my eldest brother, bawling into the mouthpiece while he sat on the other end of the line listening to me lament that I was now alone and an orphan, with no family or friends nearby to console me.
He reminded me that I do indeed have a family. Not only do I have a husband and children, but I also had him and all the countless other family members I had forgotten during my pain. I had indeed forgotten during my torment that I did have four beautiful children and a husband, but at the moment I wasn’t thinking of my immediate family. Instead I was reminiscing about my parents and blaming God for taking them from me while they were still needed. Although I know that they’re in a better place, no longer suffering or in pain, the thought of them not being here filled me with dread and despair. They were no longer around for me to make that morning call to on Christmas morning, something that had been done for many years once I started living on my own. Boxing Day (December 26th) is my dad’s birthday and there was now no one for me to call and say “happy birthday” to and the pain was just too enormous to bear.
Then the realization hit me! I spend so much time here on the blog that I’ve been missing out on what matters the most. So I’m here to do a quick update. While I love blogging, I don’t intend to do it as much as I did in 2017. I want to spend as much time as I can with my family because no one knows how long you have on this earth. As I type away on my screen, I’m just coming back from a doctors visit where I received news that I have heart problems and need to see a specialist. So I’ll be blogging less this year, maybe once or twice a week. I’ll be spending more time with my family because life is fleeting and I want them to have as many memories as I did with my own parents. I want my children to be able to come to me and talk to me without me saying “give me a few more minutes, I have a deadline to meet”.
Blogging is not a hobby, it’s a job, but it’s also a job I can control because I set my own time and I CAN say no, and I intend to say no a lot more this year. I’m not turning my back on the blogging community, but instead will be wisely spending my time with the people I love.
So here’s to a beautiful 2018 filled with love and happiness with the people you love the most.