It's My Birthday & I'll Cry If I Want To

This is hopefully going to be short.

May! The month that holds lots of wonderful memories and has great sentimental value for me. After all, it's the month that celebrates a day (well 2 actually) that's dedicated to me. I have Mother's Day to celebrate and also my birthday which coincidentally is today. May doesn't just hold those two days but also one that I dreaded actually arriving. On May 6th I celebrated my 10 year wedding anniversary BUT I celebrated it by myself. For those who are new to this site, I separated from my husband earlier this year and very soon I'll become a bachelorette once again.


So why am I suddenly sad on my birthday? After all, I have my children with me and I should be happy right? I am happy but there are things that I wanted for myself that I realize will never be.


I know that the decision I made for myself and my family was the right one but sometimes I do have regrets that things weren't different. I read all these self-help books and I go to a therapist once a week for support but it still seems unreal. 

I did have an awesome Mothers Day. I woke up to breakfast and a card signed by all the kids and then later that afternoon the boys decided that they were going to make me dinner. Well I had an amazing dinner which consisted of hotdogs but it was the thought that count, right? I was proud of them and they surely made my day.  

I have been trying to overcome the struggle with my depression and it has been working. I've come to terms with my life and there are great things in the works. I'll be closing on a new house in a few short weeks which means that all the memories we've had in our old house I'll no longer have to deal with. New house with new beautiful memories as I like to say. We also have a planned trip to Universal Orlando and Disney World this summer, so forget the tears and think about the future. Live in the present and forget about the past. Easier said than done. 


I do however have to remember that I have kids to live for as well as myself. So it's why that quote really means a lot to me. I know that there is someone out there for me. Someone who will cherish and be there for me, but while I'm waiting I won't be putting my life on hold. I plan to live my life and have fun while doing it. LAS VEGAS HERE I COME 2016!