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I Became the Mom I Said I Would Never Be


Don't let the perfect Instagram photos fool you, the majority are posed anyway, but I'll be the first to admit that I was a much better mom before I became a mother. You're confused.... and maybe a little explanation is in order.


I used to be one of those who thought that her first child was going to be the perfect child. I had a birth plan in place, was going to nurse for at least 2 years, never have my child watch TV until they were a teenager, unless it was educational TV, and so much more. I would make all their foods from scratch because my child was never going to eat processed junk. You see, my child was going to be the next Einstein as a result of how awesome my parenting was going to be. I was going to totally be that perfect mom, even before I had kids, considering it was all planned out. I saw all these other parents with their kids watching TV, sucking on their binkies and drinking from a baby bottle, eating at fast food restaurants, clothes a mess and I judged them. Yes, I sure did! That would never be me! 


Are you laughing yet?

Well, let me tell you... there's a reason that you shouldn't judge. First of all, my birth plan of having an all-natural delivery, without any drugs, went out the window when I was in labor for over 24 hours without actually being in labor. Nothing they did to induce labor worked, so an emergency c-section was scheduled. OK, that's strike one, but there was so much more that I could do even if that didn't go as planned, right?! Well, as for nursing for 2 years, after about 6 months, my child that was supposed to be perfect, that was going to make me THE perfect parent, decided that she'd had enough and breast milk just wasn't acceptable for her any longer. This was a joke, right? Didn't you know that there was going to be no bottles and formulas introduced ever?! Well, bottles and formulas, the very same things that I scorned before were introduced, and now became my lifesaver. It was the only way that she would eat and go to sleep. And as for TV, she hasn't only watched Sesame Street, but also watched soap operas with my mother, and almost every cartoon introduced to man at that time. As a matter of fact the Powerpuff Girls were one of her favorites, and my parents laughed. I now get it, they probably thought the same way I did when they were younger. After having 3 children themselves, they knew it was all a fallacy.


Who's laughing now? 

Now I'm not a horrible parent, I do the best that I can with my kids and so far they've all turned out great, but I admit that I had all these expectations of what motherhood was supposed be and so far it was nothing like I thought. There is no parenting journal or handbook that makes you a perfect parent. Each child is different and so is everyone's parenting skills. By child number 2, I had an idea of what parenting was truly like, so now there were no plans, I just wanted to be the best parent I could be. As long as he was clothed and fed, happy and content, I was elated. By child number 4, every, and all expectations were gone. I was one of the most lax parents you could find. Madison had an iPad in her hand at 6 months, the TV was always on and everything I said I would NEVER do was done! While we still stay away from most processed junk food, the occasional Wendy's might make it into my household. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?


So for those who aren't parents yet, before you start judging those who are parents, because our houses aren't clean, there are toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, beds aren't made, clothes in the laundry room to be washed. Let me put it this way.

As long as their child is happy, the dishes can be done, the clothes washed, toys picked up, but what's unquestionably important is spending time with your child. Get down on the floor and play with your kids with said toys. Get in the kitchen and make dinner together, bake cookies, make a mess, get outside and dirty those clean clothes. Remember, you're making memories that will last for years to come and it's what your children will remember you for. You are perfect in your children's eyes and they will always love you. They'll remember how much fun it was to be a child and how much you cared for them. Take vacations, even if it's a staycation at least once a year. Do what you can to make their childhood a memorable one. We're all perfect parents, we just parent differently.


So please don't be THAT person! Don't be that judgmental mom until you've had kids and can relate. As a matter of fact, don't judge ever!

Annmarie John
24 Comments
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24 comments:

  1. Trust me you aren't alone in the least and I so told myself before having kids that I wouldn't be that mom, but I am now also right there with you being "that mom"! Thanks for sharing and just nice to know that I am not alone in the least, my friend.

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    1. Oh you are most certainly NOT alone. I just had to write this because of something a friend said to me, a friend who has no kids, and I realized that I was so there at one time, right along with her. 😜

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  2. I can SO relate to this. All these plans on how to raise the kid went right out the window. At this point I'm just winging it. LOL

    But I have to say no matter your off "track", as long as you parent with love, you're doing a great job. That's what matters in the end.

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    1. Hahaha aren't we all mostly? Even after 4 kids I think that I'm still winging it myself too. And you're right, as long as we parent with love, we're all doing a great job.

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  3. Hello. AnnMarie John.

    I would want to have children in the future but for now, I think I am not yet ready financially and physically. But I can see how children can bring joy to family.

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    1. Hello Susie P, and that's when you should have children. They do bring joy to your life and when you're ready I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother.

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  4. Girl, I use ice cream to shut them up. If that's not parenting, I don't know what is. LOOOL. At the end of the day you sit down and think, well... they go to school, they eat on time, they have clothes on their backs, a roof on their head and that's all that matters. Also, be whatever kind of parent you need to be, just make sure your kids grow up with kindness and compassion in their hearts. That's important for me.

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    1. Hahahahaha, I've used ice-cream and every bribe under the sun. Everyone parents the way they know best so it's all different for everyone, but you're right, as long as the kids have the necessities of life, they'll be fine. And empathy means a lot to me.

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  5. THIS!! So true-- and I loved the line we are all perfect parents, we just parent differently! That is so true-- I thought I would do all these perfect things, but when I had the twins-- it was like nope, went out the window! As long as the child is happy and healthy, that's all that matters! loved this article!

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    1. Girlfriend, that is probably the case with almost everyone. We try our best, but after a while the things that we scorn sometimes turn out to be the things we in turn come to rely on to help, and yes, their health and happiness is what matters in the end.

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  6. I couldn't love this more. People have a hard time dealing with how ummm relaxed things area round here but the fact is with 5 kids I have learned that survival is the most important thing and stressing out over everythign is not the key to said survival.

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    1. And I couldn't agree more. Survival becomes instinct and you try and do whatever you can to make sure that everything is ok.

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  7. I have this big fat silly grin on my face right now AnnMarie. I was exactly the same and then those beautiful individual human beings arrived and everything changed forever. Screw the dishes, making them laugh from their bellies and getting the biggest hug is worth everything

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    1. I'm with you right there. I'll be the first to admit that there is almost always dishes in the sink. They do eventually get done, but I stopped sweating the small stuff.

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  8. Lovely post to read, I am not a mother but I try not to make judgements about situations I see in every day life. You are all doing an amazing job, not one I am so sure I could even do. Sometimes I see my sister after a hard day with her children and I praise her, they are both so loved and happy. That comes before anything else <3

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    1. And that's the best way to do things. I'm sure that once you become a mother you'll be just as good. Your kids happiness becomes your top priority.

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  9. HAHAHA oh yeah! I've seen so many women say those same things about how they would be as moms. I never had such hopes. I helped my mom raise my 9 siblings. And now I have 4. I knew before I got started that I wasn't going to do everything right. But we keep trying. Its the best we can do.

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  10. Every mother I know can relate to this, I still have a select few mother friends who are trying there hardest to stick to the plan they came up with, causing stress on them and the kids, asking me how I'm not stressing over everything like they are. My reply is always the same " I'm happy and healthy, my kids (4) are all happy and healthy. ut most importantly we are enjoying the life we have."

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  11. You sound like me. I was also in labor for over 24 hours and had to have an emergency C-section. I did actually make most of my son's food, though. I couldn't afford baby food and throwing regular food in a blender was pretty easy. My son is autistic and when he was younger, his behavior definitely drew attention - and I got so much judgement "If you'd just do this."

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  12. You got me in your story! Me too, I became the mom I said I would never be. I promised myself that I will give more time to my babies than my works. Unfortunately, I became a workaholic before, because of their needs. Lol. Then when I realized that I was too busy and no time for family, I stopped being a workaholic and I have a schedule of works and quality time for my family!

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  13. Were are same situation before. and I know other mom can relate on your story. Yes, all the mothers or parents are all perfect, Why? Because parents will give their best to give the needs of their baby/kids. They will do anything to protect them, to take care of them. That's why I give all my time my effort to my my kids happy and to make them satisfied.

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  14. True, true. Totally get you as mother of two I face it everyday. Now nothing matters dirty dishes piles of clothes as long as happy kids are around.

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  15. This is so amazing post, you have kept me glued to the post till end. I am so with you, I was a different person with different thinking before my first child was born. And coming to the point when my second was to be born, I knew what it is going to be like. But at the end of the day, all that matters is your child is healthy, happy, and with you. Spending quality time with kids and making their childhood memorable is what I try to do, sometimes it works, other times it does not.

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  16. Ha! I always said I'd never let my kids wear princess stuff. Yeah, right.
    And that they would only eat organic food! Also hilarious!

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[name=AnnMarie John] [img=https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X9gUeVik-ZY/WJjwNTOobII/AAAAAAABTJ4/qEhU0n62_AIo-j6-6LA2OFOr44lKCHASwCLcB/s100/AnnMarie%2BJohn%2BHeadshot.JPG] [description=AnnMarie John is a lifestyle blogger, mom of 4, retired army veteran and a huge Disney lover. Formerly from the beautiful island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean and now living in colorful Colorado, she loves sharing her opinions on everything, crafting and food.] (facebook=http://www.facebook.com/theannmariejohn) (instagram=http://www.instagram.com/theannmariejohn) (twitter=http://www.twitter.com/theannmariejohn) (pinterest=http://www.pinterest.com/theannmariejohn) (email=mailto:annmarie@annmariejohn.com)

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