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Happy & Single or Miserable & Married?


"Every moldy bread has it's moldy cheese" - it's a saying that my mom would constantly use, and one that Caribbean people know well. Meaning that there's someone for you out there with the same values who would love you for you.


Marriage is tough! No if's, and's or but's about it, and if you want to make it work, it's something that together as a couple that you want to work hard towards. There's going to be ups and downs and you remember those wedding vows you made, whether you made them in a church, at City Hall or even at a Las Vegas drive up window. Those vows, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part can sometimes suck the life out of you, making you wish that the death do us part come a whole lot quicker for that one other person, just not you. But how do you know when your marriage is truly over and it's time to just part ways?

Most people tend to stay in a marriage because "the Lord doesn't believe in divorces", or "the children are going to suffer". Don't you think that the children are currently suffering watching the only parents they know walk around the house as strangers, not talking to each other, sleeping in separate rooms and living the single life? What example are you showing those kids? Wouldn't you rather be happy and single than miserable and married?


I'm not saying that you should just throw in the towel and call it a day. Some marriages can be worked upon, and I would always suggest giving it a try before calling it quits. There are many ways you can do this. You can try to rekindle that love that you once had before in the past, and I'll share with you how you can do so in a little while. You can try marriage counseling, and it has worked wonders for many a couple, but you have to be committed and willing to work with each other and enact change. Not just by saying "Oh I'm going to change". Show and prove! So as promised, how can you rekindle the love that you once had?

1. Do random acts of love. A "good morning how are you doing today?" text while you're out and about can bring a smile to your loved one's face. Buy flowers, (they cost about $5 at Walmart), a card or a letter telling them how much they mean to you, can help with your cause. If you're not showing the person that you love them, why would they want to stay with you?


2. Take a trip together. Even if it's only for a weekend or just a day. Fill the car up with gas and just go for a drive. Start talking and keep it light. Don't talk about the kids, or what the person did wrong. Just talk about how beautiful the day is, how was work, etc., and listen. Truly just listen. Sometimes that's all they want and oftentimes your spouse just want that one on one time that can be difficult to put together. Take a few hours out of your busy schedule to spend some alone time with your spouse.

3. Put your family first. Your family should always be your main priority and should come even before your job (in matters of emergencies) and definitely before your friends. So if your wife and husband wants to go out to watch a movie and you've already made plans with friends, cancel those plans or make them for another time. Show your spouse that they mean enough to you to put first.


4. Communicate openly. This doesn't mean argue! Express your feelings and let them know what you're feeling. How will someone know that something they're doing is bothering you if you won't say it? Remember, unless your significant other is psychic, they don't know what you're thinking. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside can lead to resentment which then can lead into other things such as hatred. Be able to have a conversation and if it leads to an argument, be able to step away and come back. You don't want to be arrested for Domestic Violence if it gets out of hand.

5. Enact Change. This is quite possibly the most important step. If something is wrong in your relationship, first find out what that cause is. Maybe you're not spending enough time together, maybe you're always at work and the other person feels like they're all alone. Ask for some time off and spend some QUALITY time with that other person. Maybe they think they're not appreciated, show them that you appreciate them. Change the way you do things and be sincere about it.


There are things you might think you can't forgive, for example, cheating, but everything is forgivable. I know a lot of people say "Oh, I'll never forgive them if they cheated", but if the person who cheated truly apologized and is sincere in their apology and is actively working towards change, then it's ok to forgive. It might be difficult to forget, but you can forgive. And this is where you may also need counseling to help you both move on. How many times have you done wrong and have been forgiven? If you're a Christian, think of how many times you've sinned and God has forgiven you? If you're not a Christian, are you perfect? You've never done anything wrong in your past? Think about it!

If you truly can't get past that and you truly want out, then I say do it, get out and try a bit of self love. Find yourself again after marriage. Get out there and do things that you've always wanted to do. A great website to meet like minded people like yourself is meetup.com. There you'll meet people who share the same passion as you do. Join a biking club and go biking, join a hiking club and go hiking. There's something for everyone there. Once you've found yourself again and start loving yourself once again, because an unhappy marriage can suck the joy out of your life, then you might want to reconsider dating again, if that's something you want to do.


Some people decide that living the single life and enjoying the things they loved doing before is just want they've always wanted. Some decide that they need that companionship with another person and its time to start dating. You can do it the traditional way of meeting someone through a friend, or at a bar, etc, but there are also lots of dating apps out there, just do your research. A lot of people have met the loves of their lives on dating sites. Be sure that the person isn't married or have a girlfriend, you don't want to be "the other woman". 

There are many ways to save a dying marriage, but if you know deep down that you want out, that there's no way that you want your marriage to work, then get out. Be happy and be single. If you have kids, remember, there are many single parents out there doing their thing. They are making it work and their kids are happy. Remember a happy parent means happy kids and our kids see and know more than we think they do. So make your decision. Would you rather be happy and single or miserable and married?

Annmarie John
35 Comments
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35 comments:

  1. I love this post happiness is the single mot important thing I think you made so many heartfelt good points!

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  2. Marriage definitely isn't easy. It takes work every single day, but like you said - it's the little things and open communication that helps keep the spark.

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  3. Marriage is so hard. Anybody who thinks it should be easy is wrong. I remember in the early days of our marriage my husband would wonder what was wrong, why did we argue so much, something must be really wrong. Nope, it's just hard and there will be arguments, it's how you deal with those arguments. It's that you continue to communicate and you don't shut each other out. My motto has always been to "lean in" to each other when things get tough, not to "lean away" from each other.

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  4. This is an excellent post. Marriage is one of the hardest things to succeed at, and it's worth fighting for. But if the fight is one sided or you're losing, cutting your loses isn't bad, especially if your kids are suffering.

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  5. I love this post, a partnership of any kind is never easy and you need to learn to work together and love so much to make it work.

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  6. Sadly, so many marriages are falling apart since many don't want to take the time to make a marriage work. I do agree that it's better to be happy and single than married and miserable, though!

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  7. What an encouraging post. I'm not in a relationship and happy about it for now but I agree it should be worked upon and not given up on. My parents are still together and though they fought they are still going strong.

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  8. You're right about this. You can never let the communication fade away. It plays such a big role in maintaining a healthy relationship!

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  9. Marriage is work on a daily basis. Little things can make your day great and sweet.

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  10. These tips are all important! I bet living with one person forever is definitely difficult. But if I had to choose between happy vs. miserable I'd be alone and happy! I really like the first tip, do random acts of love. It really changes you and other people's day. http://www.clairebearblogs.com

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  11. I agree marriage does take a lot of work but if you're both committed to it then it should be able to work out for you. This year I'll be going on my 17th year of marriage with my husband .

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  12. I think you have to put effort in your marriage if you want it to work. Being single isn't exactly a happy thing either. I enjoy being married!

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  13. Happiness is key, and you know in yourself what is right for you and what works best for your family!

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  14. I completely agree. So many people I know are in loveless relationships for the sake of someone else. It is more selfless to separate than to stay together. I would rather be happy single too x

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  15. With open communication, honesty and trust marriage can work. It's teamwork. Not a one man show.

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  16. I come from a divorced family, and honestly, i know my Mom and Dad are much better off NOT together. Now, I believe in working on and fighting for my marriage, but I think there is a point where you just have to split if it is unhealthy. I think it is better for the kids for the parents to be happy than miserable.

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  17. Marriage is a two way thing like you mentioned and it's always nice to be able to work together to fix your marriage. But that's not what reality is like. These are all good suggestions. Communication opens a lot of things and it definitely strengthens your bond as a couple.

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  18. I've been married for almost 8 years now. We've had some really rough years and great ones. I think all of these tips are huge and important for a relationship!

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  19. I think the most important thing to grow your relationship is doing things together or taking a trip together or going on a date. Marriage is not always perfect but we make ours work.

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  20. I would much rather be single and happy than married and miserable. Last year when my husband and I were having difficulties, we both came to that conclusion. What we decided was that we were just not happy, either of us, and that was just not good. Thankfully a little time apart made things better and we are stronger than ever now, but it was touch and go for a while there.

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  21. Random acts of love I think is what keeps love alive the most. It is nice to know they thought of you and did something nice just to do it!

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  22. I'm happy and married. Marriage takes tons of work, and give/take but it can work. especially with good communication .- Jeanine

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  23. These tips are so important! Although not married (yet). My boyfriend and I really make an effort to do good things for each other. We will do a lot of day trips together on the weekends or write little notes to each other and stick it in random spots. When we fight we refuse to leave it until it has been resolved or until we figure out why we're truly upset. 9/10 times we realized we're not angry at each other but frustrated with ourselves for having such trouble understanding the other one. This was a big learning curve of our relationship last year.

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  24. This is put together so well. You've done what so many people strive to do by helping others. There are examples, options, and guidelines for nearly every situation include in this blog post.

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  25. Communication in a relationship is so important! I'm so fortunate to be in my second (and last) marriage. We have some challenges, but never cease to overcome them.

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  26. So many times you see couples/parents putting more time into their careers than investing it with their families. Time flies by so quick. There will always be another job, but your family is irreplaceable.

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  27. I always believed that if you put God in the center of your marriage, it will be successful. There is no perfect marriage, so working out your differences together and accepting each other as they are is one step to making your marriage last a lifetime.

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  28. I actually read this a few days ago, and answered you in my head! Or commented anyway. I love that you made it positive. I do believe that communicating openly consistently would solve so many problems!

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  29. I completely agree with you, a happy parent means happy kids. Sometimes the marriage is making both parents miserable and they are happier and better parents when they are living separate lives.

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    1. I am agree with you T.C.Mommy.
      Thanks for such a nice post ANNMARIE JOHN.

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  30. My first husband left me and I was devastated. I definitely think we should work on our marriage together as much as we can. After a few relationships, my husband and I got married again. It took years to heal and become better before we found each other again. I think marriage and love in general chaotic but you definitely need to work on yourself and work with each other to make it better constantly if you want it to keep working out.

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    1. That's wonderful you guys were able to work it out!

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  31. I loved reading this because sometimes you need to be reminded of how much the little things count. My husband and i always send each other messages during the day and he's always checking on me when I have a long day with the kids. It's such hard work and really needs to be powered by communication.

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  32. Relationships take work. You have to be willing to put in the effort, otherwise there really isn't a point.

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  33. Great tips AnnMarie! Yes, marriage is definitely a LOT of work. If anyone says it's a walk in the park, well....

    In every marriage you will go through your share of ups and downs. Either you come out holding hands, or come out signing papers and moving on. Sometimes it could be for the best. But that decision should be made carefully between those two parties. It is better to be single and happy, then stuck in a relationship wishing for death. While marriage is work, it should be fun. You are marrying someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life, and go through those hard times together. These were great tips!

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[name=AnnMarie John] [img=https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X9gUeVik-ZY/WJjwNTOobII/AAAAAAABTJ4/qEhU0n62_AIo-j6-6LA2OFOr44lKCHASwCLcB/s100/AnnMarie%2BJohn%2BHeadshot.JPG] [description=AnnMarie John is a lifestyle blogger, mom of 4, retired army veteran and a huge Disney lover. Formerly from the beautiful island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean and now living in colorful Colorado, she loves sharing her opinions on everything, crafting and food.] (facebook=http://www.facebook.com/theannmariejohn) (instagram=http://www.instagram.com/theannmariejohn) (twitter=http://www.twitter.com/theannmariejohn) (pinterest=http://www.pinterest.com/theannmariejohn) (email=mailto:annmarie@annmariejohn.com)

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