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Being the Other Woman is Not OK


For the women sleeping with another woman's husband, it's not OK.


So your husband had an affair. That pill can be hard to swallow. You're angry, upset, hurt, disappointed, infuriated, pissed off. So many words to describe how you may feel right now. And then there's the other woman. You're also mad at her for sleeping with your husband. What happened to the girl code of, "we don't go there?" Apparently, you didn't get the memo on that one, McCall, Britney, Kayla, Amber, Chelsea, Whitney, etc.


Back in the day when I was growing up, the only conversation we had with married men was "hello, how are your wife and family?", not "hello when can we hook up?"  With today's society, it's become the norm for women (and men) to sleep with other people's partners. When did this become the norm? When did we say this is okay? How do people like this look in the mirror knowing that the man, or woman, they are sleeping with belongs to someone else?

And more importantly, how can that man (or woman) come home to their family knowing they did wrong.

Cheating can ruin many things:

The wife's feelings (or husband's). There are no words to describe how a woman feels after finding out her husband slept with someone else. She can no longer trust her husband, and many times this is enough for a spouse to walk away.

Lives are affected. Not only does the wife get hurt, but the children may also be affected by this. There's pain, embarrassment, and potential gossip the family will endure. Cheating on a partner may lead to a period of separation and divorce. Think of how a child must feel knowing their Mom or Dad left them for another family?

Distrust between husband and wife. The victim can no longer trust their partner. This bond has been broken, and it can be hard to rekindle.


How does it feel to know you may be the cause of a divorce? How does it feel to know he will never really ever be yours, and you're just another Taylor Swift song? For a mistress, you may think the wife is the stupid one. But you are being played as well. The only person that has it going their way in all of this is the husband. He gets to have his cake and eat it too (until it's all gone and have to deal with the mess he created).  He is lying to you, telling you he is going to leave his wife and kids, but you and I both know that's not going to happen. You are the side chick that is easily replaceable. Valentine's Day, Christmas, birthdays, etc. are always going to be spent with the family, you will come after that.

For a side chick, this would not be a pleasant life to live. Some women enjoy being a side chick and purposely helping to wreck marriages. The blame starts with the man. But if you, as a woman, know you are messing with a married man, why would you continue pursuing it? How would you feel if the tables were turned on you? Women that can put aside their morals, the girl code, and all the red signs of pursuing a married man, exposes how little they value themselves. Is your self worth that low that you would stoop to being with someone that's already involved with another, instead of finding your own?  Do you not think that you're capable of finding your own?


I find it hard to sympathize with someone who thinks that they're "in-love" with another's partner. Love takes time to grow and during that time you might have found out that he had a family, so why continue your relationship? You wouldn't go into a department store and steal the clothing off the racks, so why would you take someone that belongs to someone else? Life is short and there is someone out there for you, just not that one!
Annmarie John
43 Comments
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43 comments:

  1. I can never live my life knowing that I am the other woman, the second choice. I don't get why other women would do this, I can't imagine doing this to a fellow woman who works so hard and gives everything to her family. That's just beyond unfair. And for the men or women who decides to cheat, I can't imagine doing that to someone I love even more so, someone I offered to share my life with. It's all so cruel and heartbreaking and there's so much pain involved.

    If you're tired of being in a relationship and want something or someone new, wouldn't it be much more better if you decide to break things off first, just to respect all the time and effort you put in the relationship. Cheating is never an excuse, just grow some balls and break it off before you start a relationship with someone else.

    Unfortunately, this is what we have to go through, the ones that were cheated on. We would have to live life with trust issues and fear of being with people. It sucks and it's not even our fault to begin with. If we were going to be blamed, it's because we loved too much and gave ourselves so little.

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  2. Back in the day, before I met my husband I was with someone and we broke up. Long story short, he came back into my life for a brief time. But then I found out he was engaged and wanting to be with both myself and his fiancé in more than just a platonic way. I couldn't bring myself to be the other woman there and they weren't even married. So, trust me I could never do that to another woman. So, I would hope that another woman could have those same standards not to do that to myself or another married woman. Still not sure when or how this became the norm by any means, because women should not only think of the family life they may be ruining, but also for their self-respect. That is just my opinion, but still thank you for putting this into words and for being very forthcoming and honest in your own assessment here.

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  3. I hope I'm never in this positon. I know it can happen at anytime and is out of my control. I just hope it doesn't.

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  4. I could never be the other woman. I have far too much self-respect to allow some man to string me along and make me his toy.

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  5. I have been cheated on and it's a CRAPPY feeling. It brought up so many negative feelings for me.

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  6. I do know a few people that have gone through something like this. It is never OK to be the other person. It should be big red flags to know that they will cheat on you with somebody else in the future, if they are willing to do it with you.

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  7. I was cheated on and it was devastating. I cannot imagine how it feels to be the other woman. I am sure they have some guilt, right?!

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  8. I don't think I could ever be the other woman knowingly, not only because of my morals. I would also have a hard time thinking that if someone had cheated WITH me, they would definitely cheat ON me as well.

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  9. This is definitely an unfair position to put the spouse or partner in and it's not likely to be a healthy relationship anyway. Thinking about the long-term and how others may be affected is important.

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  10. I know I couldn't do this to my family. I try to live my partnership by the golden rule. I wouldn't do to my partner what I wouldn't want done to me. Plus, I respect him and my children too much to not be honest.

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  11. What a mess. I mean, really - the entire situation for all parties is ugly. Overall people need to respect and honor parameters/commitments/marriages/etc... and even if feelings pop up to not act on them. That holds true for a LOT of different situations, ya know?

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  12. This sounds like such a headache and heartache. It's amazing the lines people will cross. It takes maturity to not act on every feeling.

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  13. I've been on both ends of the deal and it is not a good feeling to be the cheater or to be cheated on.

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  14. I truly don't understand the cheating mentality some people have. The grass isn't always greener in someone else's yard. I could never be the other woman.

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  15. Some men never tell another woman he is married. Some women are clueless. But for those that do know the man is married that's sad and sick. He cheats on his wife, leaves his wife for you. He will do the same to you. Not worth it.

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  16. Things are definitely different today than they used to be. We can thank music, tv, movies, etc. for the influence that these things are OKAY when that is the farthest from the truth. So sad.

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  17. I agree, being the other woman is NOT ok. THis means they don't respect other's lives nor their own.

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  18. Definitely, and that is such an awful circumstance. I think people should have respect and at least not cross the line. Relationship can go super complicated... http://www.clairebearblogs.com

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  19. This is such a terrible thing to do - although many women don't even know they're the other woman, let alone the woman the man's originally cheating on. x

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  20. my husband was my first love and it was the same for him so I am glad I dont have such experience.

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  21. If I ever found out someone I was dating/ sleeping with etc was married I'd end things straight away regardless of my feelings as I don't accept cheating at any level x

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  22. At one point in my life ( many years ago) I was the "other woman" but I didn't know that. I met this guy and he was great and funny and we hit it off. Went on some dates and everything seemed fine. He had come over to my house for dinner one night ( that's a whole long story and ironically the night I met my now husband). After dinner he bailed and I was hurt (so my roommate and his friend, not my husband took me out that night). Come to find out the dude I was seeing had a fiancee! I was pissed and hurt and never saw him again!

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  23. This is such a good post. Women that willingly choose to be the other women really surprise me but I'm also aware that a lot of women don't realize because they were lied to.

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  24. That's a very heartbreaking situation for every person involved. I really hope girls would have some self-respect to leave the guy once they learned that he's already taken.

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  25. Being the other woman is definitely not cool, especially when you go after someone's husband or continue to see a guy you know is not free. I do feel bad for women who get stuck in this situation because they didn't know the guy was married or in a relationship. It takes two to tango, or sometimes 3.

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  26. Women who continue to do this, after knowing that the man is married have no love or respect for themselves. They don't value themselves enough to know that they deserve so much better than being the second option or the side chick. I can't ever live like that. It's sick and it's just really gross, I mean can you imagine him sleeping with someone else and then he sleeps with you? UGH!

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  27. I've been cheated on and its not something I'd wish upon anyone. I couldn't ever knowingly be the other woman. I think anyone who can, well that says a lot about them! - Jeanine

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  28. Cheating is the one thing in a relationship that I cannot and will not forgive. I have never cheated on any of my ex-boyfriends while we were together nor my husband. And if I ever found out that he was cheating on me, then that would be the end of our relationship as well. That builds an air of distrust that I could not ever get past.

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  29. I think that if this other woman learns that she's dating a married man, she should break off immediately. She may love the man, but the thing is, the man does not love her, only lusts for her. And there is the big K - Karma. What if this infidelity happens to your future child? How would you feel?

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  30. You can say that again! I wish there were more who thought like you.

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  31. This is something that just boggles my mind! Unfortunately where I live this is a common thing -_- like socially acceptable and no... just no! I don't know how girls and even some dudes can just deal
    With being the "other" or the term around these parts that gets thrown around "side chic" "side piece" etc. all I can say is karma is real, and they will all get what's coming in the long run.

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  32. Unfortunately there are people that enjoy being the other women or men. I think if find out your husband is cheating on you with another woman it is best to leave him.This happened to one of my close friends and she left him. It was the best thing she did because later she met the love of her life.

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  33. You are so right! It's NOT ok, and when did we start to accept it as just part of the deal. I hate hearing that couples are getting divorced and then finding out that it's because of infidelity. I can only imagine the hurt it causes to everyone involved. We really shouldn't glamorize destroying families for the cheater or the side chick

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  34. I have never cheated on a partner nor have ever been the other woman, but I do know the person to blame is the spouse, let's be honest, it is not always a case of a woman 'dis-respecting the girl code' in many cases she didn't know, men are great for taking off rings when they go out, so as women we need to learn to put the blame where it should go, on the spouse who knows he is married, not on the person who may or may not have known. If she knows you personally then all bets are off, she deserves for you to reign down on her, but only AFTER he gets his first for breaking his vows.

    Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly

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  35. I will never understand why women would put themselves into a situation of being a side bitch. So much added drama for what? Dem skeletons are really racking up.
    Ive had the temptation of being with men who are taken, and once I knew they were taken I stayed away because my mom and my dad taught me better. God may not strike you down, but the fact that you clearly know its wrong means that you're guilty of something.

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  36. What a horrible situation for everyone involved. I am sure there are people out there who are being lied to, but there are many women who know what they are getting themself into.

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  37. I have always been someone who doesn't want what she can't have. I'm not attracted to taken men or gay men, for that matter! Not if I can't have them!!
    You make so many good points. I have never fallen for a married man, but I have had married men fall for me and I have never trusted it. Nothing good can come of it!

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  38. This is a horrible situation to be in. You're right, as the mistress if you know he is married you should end it straight away. However, unfortunately not everyone thinks like that.

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  39. Excellent post. I've been married for almost 12 years and I know this sounds ignorant but the confidence I have in my husband is unbreakable. I can't imagine either of us having the time to invest in a relationship beyond our own. It's unbelievable when another women doesn't care about her behavior and who she is hurting.

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  40. A dear friend of mine just recently confided in me about this exact situation happening in her marriage after almost twenty years with her husband. She plans to try counseling and see if their relationship can be repaired, but even seeing her so upset really hits home for me.

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  41. I know a few people that have gone through this type of situation. It's not healthy and you are right, it's just a destructive thing to do to yourself and to everyone involved.

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  42. I don't think I could stay with someone who cheated. It's not only her fault, but his as well. Sometimes the other woman doesn't even know there is a wife. Being cheated on is something that should never happen to anyone.

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  43. I don't know how women or men like that can sleep at night. It's unfortunate this is being more common and acceptable, like it's a cool thing to steal someone's spouse. I blame them both, not just the other woman. I think women who do this don't care of the damage they are doing to his family (if they are aware of his family).

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[name=AnnMarie John] [img=https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X9gUeVik-ZY/WJjwNTOobII/AAAAAAABTJ4/qEhU0n62_AIo-j6-6LA2OFOr44lKCHASwCLcB/s100/AnnMarie%2BJohn%2BHeadshot.JPG] [description=AnnMarie John is a lifestyle blogger, mom of 4, retired army veteran and a huge Disney lover. Formerly from the beautiful island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean and now living in colorful Colorado, she loves sharing her opinions on everything, crafting and food.] (facebook=http://www.facebook.com/theannmariejohn) (instagram=http://www.instagram.com/theannmariejohn) (twitter=http://www.twitter.com/theannmariejohn) (pinterest=http://www.pinterest.com/theannmariejohn) (email=mailto:annmarie@annmariejohn.com)

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