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What's Love Got to Do With It? Marriage, Children and Divorce


When I told you that this year we were going to be doing things a little (well a lot) differently I really did mean that. If you go through our posts for this year you will notice a lot less reviews, a lot less giveaways and a lot more posts focused on content. Whether that be highlights of our trip to the Caribbean, parenting posts, crafts and recipes. We've even taken the weekend off to relax and spend time with family instead of working all the time on the blog. One thing I've noticed since I've started blogging is the amount of time I actually DO spend on the computer, whether it be here working on the blog or social media. I've spent more time in-front of a computer screen than I would have liked, and that brings us to today's very personal post. Marriage, Children and Divorce and Tina Turners immortal words "What's Love Got to Do With It?".

As I stare at this computer screen, I've started, stopped and started again. It's hard writing how I'm feeling and I'm a very private person. That's why you don't see much of my photos online here on the blog. I do however want to change things around a little and be more open with you my readers, actually this will be the entire world. Once it's on the World Wide Web it's there for everyone to see. With this being the month of love, I've seen some of my favorite bloggers write out their love story and all I can think about is, what happened to my love story? What happened to my happy ending? Why is everyone making such a big deal about Valentine's Day when I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Now you're probably wondering what I'm talking about here. Well here's my back story.


Thirteen years ago I met the man of my dreams. Well to be honest I really didn't think so at the time. I actually thought he was more of a stalker than the man of my dreams. I had just gotten out of a very serious relationship about a year before. I was cheated on and I so wasn't interested in being in another relationship. He would lay wait for me every morning at the coffee shop as I took my daughter to school and would smile as I passed by. One day he finally got up the nerve to talk to me and me being the snooty New Yorker that I was at the time practically ignored him. He didn't give up, that much I can say for him. He was very persistent. He kept it up for weeks until a good friend of mine said "Why not give him a chance, all guys aren't the same". After thinking long and hard about it, I decided why not. After all it couldn't hurt to go on a date and I took that chance. Two and a half years later we were married. 


We had some good times and some bad times as most relationships but the beginning of our relationship were the best. You know the days of flowers, cards and letters just because. Just because you're a wonderful wife, here's some flowers. Just because you cooked dinner last night, here's a card saying how much I love you. Just because I want to show you how much I love you, here's a handwritten letter telling you so. 

Fast forward to present day, when did all that stop? 

I'm not exactly sure when it all happened but it did happen. The flowers stopped showing up, the cards and letters were no longer being written and the love stopped. Well the love didn't stop exactly but the showing of that love sure did. And then the thing that I dreaded most happened. My husband cheated on me! Yes you remember those words my friend used to get me to date him, "Why not give him a chance, all guys aren't the same."? Well it turned out that for me it did seem like they all were. Now the decision was left to me. Before I had gotten out of an engagement luckily, now this time it's a marriage and where do you begin? 


I've spoken to countless of people who've said, "try and work it out for the children", "forgive and forget", "marriage counseling is a great way to bring back that spark", "divorce isn't the answer, think about all the good times you've had, forgive and move on". Well I can surely tell you that it's not that easy to forgive and forget. Working it out for the children may seen like the logical thing to do but when you're hurting, you're thinking about yourself. Divorce may not be the answer but if a spouse cheats, then maybe marriage wasn't either. 

So he says that he's sorry but what is he really sorry about? Is he really sorry that the affair happened and is so remorseful that it would NEVER happen again? Or is he sorry that he got caught and that if he hadn't gotten caught the affair would still be happening? Now while I may think and overthink things (I tend to do that), there are a few questions I have to ask myself.

  • What do I want out of this marriage?
  • Is this marriage something that would not only make me happy but would in turn make my kids happy? 
  • Can I survive on my own after having been in a relationship and marriage for so long?
  • Do I want to start all over again with someone else that I have no idea will do the same thing?
  • Is staying in a marriage, going through marriage counseling worth it?

Those are all questions that I'm still trying to answer. Granted he's an amazing father and I know that the kids, they'll miss him and vice versa. I just wished that he was as good a husband as he was a father. I also do know however that I want and deserve to be happy. The children also deserves to be happy and being in a relationship where the couple is unhappy does not make for a happy home. Kids aren't as blind to situations as we like to think they are. So what do we do?

Do we pick up the pieces and move on like nothing has happened? Do we go through marriage counseling and hope that things will get better? Do we stay in a relationship where trust has been betrayed and try to build that trust back? Do we take a break and live separate lives? Or do we just go into a lawyers office with our problems and sign on that dotted line and just get it over with? You know the big D word, DIVORCE, the end to most marital problems.

These are all questions that I have to ask myself and ultimately I have to think about my happiness and the happiness of my kids, because as my headline states, WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Annmarie John
26 Comments
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26 comments:

  1. My heart is so right there with you, and for you. I don't know you outside of the blog, but I do know you from this side of the computer, and I do care. You seem to be taking your time, and thinking things through. I'm sorry for your hurt, that kind of hurt is a big one. I think most of us have sadly experienced it in one form or another. I'm wishing you well in your decision making, now, during and after.

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  2. I know you have been through so much and I know how hard it is to put yourself out there like this. As a child from a 'broken home' I can tell you this, when my parents separated I was hurt, sad, confused and angry for the longest time but i got older and i grew to understand things. Now, I know my parents divorce was the best thing for our family. You shouldn't stay in a marriage if you aren't happy. Everyone deceivers to be happy. I do wish you the best of luck and know that at the end everything will be okay

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  3. Even after talking to you today, I wish I had the answers, but still I just don't. Please know I am indeed thinking of you and believe you will make the right decision for you and your kids in the end. Hugs once again.

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  4. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I have to agree that an unhappy relationship can and will have an effect on the kids. So long as you guys part, if that's what you choose, on "friendly" terms (I know that can be hard in a situation like this...but bashing each other in front of the kids is the worst! I know from experience.) then things will be okay. The kids will adjust to the new situation and will be just fine, especially since he is a great father.

    Fingers crossed that you are able to work through your decision and come out on the happy side of things :) be that single or married. Remember that I am always here for you if you need me!

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  5. I'm floored by your situation and strengthened by your openness. Not having been in this situation, I offer no advice only support. If you need anything, know that I am here.

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  6. Big hugs! I am here if you need to just talk some more. I don't have the answers you need but I do believe you will find them by taking your time like you are doing. Thinking through it all is a great way to go about it.

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  7. You are smart, strong and passionate about life whatever choice you make will be the right one!

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  8. Wow. I truly wasn't expecting to read this. I'm sorry. As I sit here with my jaw hanging, I am praying for the best for you and your family. Truly, I am.

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  9. You have poured out your heart in this post. I know it was a hard one to do, to let the world see a side of you that is raw and hurting.
    I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do and know you will make the best choice for you and the kids.

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  10. Oh I'm so so sorry. I know how hard this must have been to write, to share your hurt with the entire world. You're a strong woman and I just know that you will do what is best for you and your family. Sometimes marriage counseling does work but you both have to be invested in it. I wish you all the best and I hope things work out for you.

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  11. I am so very sorry that you have to deal with all of this. Just do what is best for you and your children. You will be in my thoughts.

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  12. This must be so hard! I'm terribly sorry that you have to deal with this!

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  13. Wow. This is a powerful post. You are strong and amazing. I couldn't imagine and hope for the best for everything! Hugs to you.

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  14. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry this has all happened to you. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason (the good AND the bad) and you just have to be true to yourself, and do what is best for you and your family. Sending thoughts your way. <3

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  15. Oh boy. I read every word twice.
    I'm so with you. It's so hard. I always think it's the biggest dealbreaker there is and I'd never stay with a cheater, but I guess I won't know unless it happens. I have been cheated on way before marriage and kids, and in those times, I did get right out and never turn back. It's not that simple, I know.

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  16. I am so sorry you are going through this! I can wholeheartedly relate (except for the kids). My first husband not only cheated on me but pretty much had a double life. My life was a Lifetime movie. We did years of counseling because of my beliefs and his "addiction" and remorse. Ultimate his actions never changed and I had to let go. But everyone has there own path they have to go down. A lot of marriages are restored beautifully but it is Hard! Give yourself grace friend. If you need anything..even good resources/ reading etc please don't hesitate to contact me. Hugs!! Chasingmyhalo@gmail.com

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  17. Wow! This must have been terribly hard on you and it gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing!

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  18. This is a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing and being open about it. This is so tough. I used to say all the time that cheating was the ultimate deal breaker for me. But with children involved, does that change things? Or does it not? Such a tough thing to weigh out. In the end you just have to be true to yourself. My thoughts are with you.

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  19. I think many people need to step away from their blog and interact more with people in their home-life. I have to say, I get pretty annoyed/bored hanging out with other people when all they do is talk about theirblog. It's not the be-all-end all you know? I'm glad you're recognizing that too.

    Okay now for the second part of your blog post.

    I'm so sorry to read the rest of your post and hearing that your husband had cheated on you, and especially since you went in thinking "all guys aren't the same" with your friend backing you up. It definitely is NOT easy to forgive and forget. Especially with regards to cheating. I'm not sure I could go back after something like that. I understand every situation is different, and I appreciate you opening up and sharing your story. I'm interested in hearing what you do.

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  20. What a great post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this public space. So sorry. Prayers your way!

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  21. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have never been married and thankfully never cheated on but I did just get out a 5 year relationship that in hindsight wasn't healthy and I was trying to convince myself I was happy for the last 2 years of it when I wasn't. That being said, divorce is not an easy choice. As a kid of parents who I believe should have gotten divorce, I agree with the statement that it may actually benefit the kids more if you were happy but divorced. I've also had my best friend's mom go through 2 bad divorces and again financially and emotionally it may be a roller coaster for a while but it does get better. Ultimately, the choice is yours. You could try marriage counseling, if at least to get some closure on why he cheated and it may help make the choice a bit easier. And you are allowed to be a bit selfish here even with kids involved because ultimately, they will pick up on your emotions.

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  22. Oh, this is so hard... and I'm so sorry you're going through this. My first marriage ended because of this. It hurts so much but time really does help heal wounds... or dull them at least.

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  23. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know a lot of people stay after cheating but I don't think I could.. I watched my sister stay and I just don't think I could do it. Your kids are lucky they have two great parents even if they aren't together.

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  24. Oh wow Amanda, you really shared a lot of yourself here. I can't offer you counsel my friend. I have no right to do that but what I can do is hold you up in prayer. May you have strength and confidence and peace in what is to come.

    Love and blessings to you.
    xoxo

    Thank you for linking up and sharing at the #SHINEbloghop.

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  25. You definitely deserve to be happy... and your kids will be happier if you are! There is no way I could forgive and forget either... I'm so sorry you are going through this. xx

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  26. I can 99.99% guarantee you’ll benefit from marriage counseling. Try it out at least once. Get that outside perspective on how you’re doing. Marriage counselors can give you the equivalent of your annual physical to make sure your relationship is on track and running smooth. They may even give you some ideas that help you take a good relationship and make it great. Like with most things, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.Here Marriage Counseling in Dallas provides professional family & marriage counseling sessions. Just book an appointment with our skilled therapist in San Antonio to resolve situations like anxiety & relationships

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[name=AnnMarie John] [img=https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X9gUeVik-ZY/WJjwNTOobII/AAAAAAABTJ4/qEhU0n62_AIo-j6-6LA2OFOr44lKCHASwCLcB/s100/AnnMarie%2BJohn%2BHeadshot.JPG] [description=AnnMarie John is a lifestyle blogger, mom of 4, retired army veteran and a huge Disney lover. Formerly from the beautiful island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean and now living in colorful Colorado, she loves sharing her opinions on everything, crafting and food.] (facebook=http://www.facebook.com/theannmariejohn) (instagram=http://www.instagram.com/theannmariejohn) (twitter=http://www.twitter.com/theannmariejohn) (pinterest=http://www.pinterest.com/theannmariejohn) (email=mailto:annmarie@annmariejohn.com)

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